This happens a lot, whether it is a parent to a child, siblings or cousins, even close friends we deem as family. You cannot pour from an empty cup and continuing to financially help people when you are not financially okay yourself can really put a strain on the relationship as well as you and your mental health. It is most definitely OKAY to say:
“No”
“I don’t have it.”
“My money is already accounted for.”
“I have already stretched myself thin.”
Maybe you have become the “responsible” one of the group or you always just seem to be there for people when in need but if you don’t have it or you know you will need it, DO NOT give it. I had budgeted my money and a really close friend asked if they could borrow some as they needed some help so I said sure because they mentioned they would pay it back with their next paycheck. When that paycheck came around they acted like they didn’t owe anything and my accounts had gone into the negative due to unexpected bills. It took me putting myself in this situation and being close to getting myself financially in trouble to finally start saying, “No, I don’t have it” or “I already budgeted my money out.”
I know first hand that people are going to be hurt and even offended by the fact that you aren’t helping when you have before, they will be okay. You are of no help to anyone (including yourself) if you put yourself in a financial bind trying to “Financially Save” everyone who asks because they are family or they have helped you or even that what they need does not seem like too much. I want you to ask the following questions before you even think to rescue someone before yourself:
Have you budgeted all income and expenses for the month?
Have you put money towards your savings and investments for the month?
How many times in the past 6 months has this person asked for money from you?
Is the person asking for the money for something they have asked before? (Is the situation the same?)
If you gave this money and they could not pay it back, would it harm you financially?
If you answered “No” to either of the first two questions then you should not be saying, “Yes”. Here are some major things I want everyone to take away:
#1 You CANNOT Be the First Person they call in a Financial Bind
The truth is they may or may not find a way to get what they need if you do not rescue them, but that cannot be your responsibility especially if it is not your immediate family or something you actually have to do in your line of sight or scope of work/ responsibilities.
#2 Trust those Around you to Handle THEIR Responsibilities
You may have the biggest heart in your group and you want everyone to succeed but if those people do not have the same commitment level or work ethic then you may be up a creek without a paddle. This is going to be difficult but you must know that you will not be able to live and move the way you want or need if your boat has a bunch of leaks (I.e. tossing money you don’t have or need to use elsewhere).
#3 You Must Delegate & Then Let It Go (Set Boundaries)
If you everyone agreed to bring a dish to a specific dish to a family dinner and one person does not bring what they said, it is okay. Yes, it will be frustrating but you CANNOT control the actions of other people, you will cause yourself unnecessary stress and heartache if you do. Set your boundaries with people and if it comes to it then let something slip if it is necessary, like the food.
#4 It’s Time For You To Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On
Just like on an airline, do for you first and help others after. Invest in yourself first, you are going to need your mental & physical resources available to you in order to grow and live. When you pour into others first, you may not have anything left for yourself. If that were to happen would the people who used you as a crutch turn around and help you? If you have to think about that answer or you know the answer is no, why allow them to do it? Why give so much of yourself that you have nothing to move forward with.
It should offend you that others believe they have a right to eat off of your plate when you are straight up starving yourself- Bria (4ourty.com)
Comments